Here’s the statement Tiger issued yesterday afternoon (on his website) – after canceling for the third time a meeting he had scheduled with the Police (and after I published yesterday’s commentary on his sensational domestic mess):
As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.
This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.
This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.
The only person responsible for the accident is me. My wife, Elin, acted courageously when she saw I was hurt and in trouble. She was the first person to help me. Any other assertion is absolutely false.
This incident has been stressful and very difficult for Elin, our family and me. I appreciate all the concern and well wishes that we have received. But, I would also ask for some understanding that my family and I deserve some privacy no matter how intrusive some people can be.
Well, on it’s face, this statement confirms not only that he was having an affair but also that my spin on the fight he had with his wife about it is uncannily accurate.
But when one reads between the lines it becomes clear that the exaggerated praise he heaps on his wife and the corresponding blame he assumes are all pursuant to his lawyer’s instructions. Specifically, the (legal) strategy now seems designed to avoid the police at all cost because, if they see the weeping wounds she inflicted, they would probably arrest her for spousal abuse. This means that, if they aren’t sufficiently healed, Tiger will not show up in Los Angeles on Wednesday for his charity tournament.
Of course, if he saves her ass from being arrested, he may no longer feel obliged to buy that “house on a finger” from Tiffany & Co or to perform the other Kobe-like penances that were surely due.
Meanwhile, it must have scared the living daylights out of Tiger to find that his little Swedish goldfish has the bite of a big Caribbean barracuda….
UPDATE
Tiger withdraws…
3:30 pm: Received word a short time ago that, just as I predicted, Tiger has issued a statement confirming that he will not be showing his scratched-up (and evidence-laden) face this week to host his own tournament. It’s reasonable to deduce that his physical wounds are still weeping….
(In fact, it’s probably safe to assume that he will not be showing up at any golf tournaments for the rest of the year….)
But trust me, the police will incite unprecedented public scorn if they use hospital records to obtain a warrant to hunt Tiger over this private matter. Because, notwithstanding the inherent sexism, he refuses to be treated like a victim and will clearly do anything to protect his wife from arrest for domestic violence – even if it means losing endorsements and a few fans.
So, just leave them alone!
Related commentaries:
Tiger’s wife serves him a Thanksgiving fat lip
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