Update: Martha reverts to bitchy diva after getting her goose cooked on Apprentice spin-off

Alas, The Apprentice starring this friendly and “reformed” Martha Stewart showed more style than substance and delivered more hype than ratings…

Ironically, Martha Stewart was never quite so successful in business as she was when her stint in prison prevented her from doing business. Indeed, as I noted with cynical awe in this previous article, the world seemed at her feet after she became inmate number # 55170-054 and the poster girl for corporate greed, arrogance and mendacity.

Therefore, when she was released last March, many people wanted to be associated with Martha, hoping to milk her like a cash cow. And no one was more crass in this respect than the mercurial Donald Trump. But to make her more marketable, Trump retained a gaggle of PR flacks to soften Martha’s iron tits by spinning the public on her “prison conversion” – from a frumpy, grumpy know-it-all bitch to a svelte, serene and (gasp) humble domestic arts teacher.

But the fact that Martha violated the terms of her lenient house arrest – because she couldn’t wait to jump back into money-making ventures (compelling her sentencing Judge to penalise her by adding more time) – betrayed her alleged conversion. After all, her lactating business prospects in this context was rather like Mother Teresa suddenly wheeling and dealing like an amoral business mogul.

At any rate, Martha and her shrewd partners decided that a female version of Trump’s Apprentice would be the most lucrative showcase for her new professional persona. But it did not take long before word got out that Martha off-screen was the same old bitch. Even worse, TV critics (and her would-be fans) soon realised that the reformed Martha on-screen was about as interesting and entertaining as watching paint dry on a barn at her country estate.

Despite catering to Donald Trump’s Olympian ego, Martha was not spared his trademark diss “you’re fired” and, no doubt, a parting wink and whisper from Trump telling her “you just don’t fit in”

Therefore, Martha could not have been too surprised when her bosses at NBC cancelled her show earlier this week. And, to compound her reversal of fortune, Trump – her partner in this loser of a show – wasted little time yesterday informing listeners of the popular IMUS in the Morning radio programme that “Martha is now the 14th person who thought they could do what I do and failed miserably…what I can say.”

But Trump is not the only one debunking the haloed Martha. Because, yesterday, it was reported that Martha is being sued by the consultant she hired to pick a jury that would keep her out of prison. But, perhaps because Martha thought this was a guarantee, she never paid the consultant, Julie Blackman, her fees.

And with that, we’ve come full circle: because who else but a bitchy diva would think she could get away without paying her bills. Indeed, Martha probably feels about paying bills the way fellow bitchy diva Leona Helmsley felt about paying taxes (before she too was sent to prison): “We don’t pay taxes. Only the little people pay taxes.”

Note: Don’t cry for Martha because she has already offset the loss of this TV show with the gain of a Sirius satellite radio gig that begins airing next week.

Hail Martha, full of grace…

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