Noem misfires by boasting about killing her puppy 

South Dakota governor and Republican vice presidential contender Kristi Noem is all over the media promoting her forthcoming memoir, No Going Back. In it, she blithely describes shooting her “less than worthless” 14-month-old dog, Cricket, along with a “nasty and mean” family goat. Unsurprisingly, these snippets are dominating her interviews. 

She claims these were “tough decisions,” showing off her balls to serve as Donald Trump’s vice president. However, most Americans cannot relate to Noem’s portrayal of herself as a Dirty Harry-style farm girl. These stories reflect astonishing cluelessness, as Noem failed to anticipate the public outrage they’d provoke.

Of course, everyone knows why she included them: they’re part of her tone-deaf attempt to audition for Trump, a notorious dog hater. 

But most Americans can’t fathom shooting their dog for being “untrainable.” More to the point, these stories do not conjure the warm, fuzzy feelings voters want from a potential VP. Indeed, it speaks volumes about how much Noem misfired that even Trump is barking contempt at her for her puppy-killing story.

‘The median reaction when we checked around Trump world was ‘WTF,” said Semafor, ‘although some noted her chances were considered slim already.’

(The Guardian, April 30, 2024)

Even so, nothing was more damning than the statement Paws Animal Rescue of Noem’s home state issued. Because it stated that no dog is so untrainable that the only humane thing to do would be to shoot it. 

Noem lies about meeting Kim Jong Un 

She clearly misfired with her story about killing her puppy. But Noem hit the mark with her lie about a tête-à-tête with Kim Jong Un. 

Mind you, reviews indicate that she tells more lies in her book than Trump tells at his campaign rallies. But that’s her aim. Evangelical Republicans like her once prided themselves on doing what Jesus would do. Now, they pride themselves on doing what Trump would do. 

At first glance, a politician boasting about consorting with a brutal dictator might seem like a bizarre SNL skit. Except that Trump himself boasted repeatedly about falling in love with Kim. Moreover, he has told a million big lies. So, it’s unlikely Republicans will hold this shameless lie against her. 

Noem’s vain attempt to justify killings and lies

Between shooting Cricket and flattering Kim, Noem has alienated most Americans – who love animals and hate dictators. She tried in vain to justify her heartless killing and clueless wooing during an appearance on today’s edition of Face the Nation. 

Confronted with her controversial anecdotes, Noem spewed surreal, cringe-inducing responses. It was a complete trainwreck. Frankly, this puppy killer should cancel the rest of her book tour to salvage what little remains of her political reputation and personal integrity. 

Indeed, not since Anthony Weiner exposed himself as a predatory dick has a politician willfully blown up their career quite like Noem has done. 

Granted, Trump keeps trying to blow up his career. But his Teflon has been such that his norm-busting antics have blown up other people’s careers, not his. He has proved time and again that he’s what we call in my profession sui generis (in a class by himself).