Much has been made throughout this crisis about the strange hoarding of toilet paper. Indeed, you’d think diarrhea were a signature symptom of the coronavirus.
In fact, the CDC has labored to explain that the following symptoms are the surest signs of infection:
- Fever
- Cough
- Shortness of breath
- Persistent pain or pressure in the chest
- New confusion or inability to arouse
- Bluish lips or face
To be fair, though, perhaps toilet-paper hoarders just think laxatives offer the best defense against getting the virus. After all, they hear President Trump touting some old elixir as a new miracle cure every other day. So they can be forgiven for thinking that laxatives are the next best thing to a vaccine …
That said:
But here’s the big question: Why couldn’t they squeeze a few attention-seeking, I-have-coronavirus celebrities (like Idris Elba) on board to take back with them; you know, to use as guinea pigs?
Still, there’s nothing like lavatorial humor to provide a little relief, eh?
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