I was among those who not only panned the puerility of turning the derring-dos of a comic-book hero into a Broadway show, but also ridiculed the technical difficulties producers had trying to replicate them on stage.
Last night’s opening preview of Broadway’s most expensive production ever, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, was an epic flop as the $65 million show’s high-tech gadgetry went completely awry amid a dull score and baffling script, theatergoers griped. Stunned audience members were left scratching their heads over the confusing plot – when they weren’t ducking for cover from falling equipment and dangling actors.
(New York Post, November 29, 2010)
But I was acutely aware not only of how fickle theater critics could be, but also of what little it takes to entertain an American public hooked on reality-TV:
I don’t know who came up with the harebrained idea of turning ‘Spider-Man’ into a Broadway musical…
But I’m not prepared to call it an epic flop … just yet. For I’m all too mindful that a flawless performance on opening night in January could inspire reviews that are as glowing as these ones are damning. And that alone would guarantee Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark a long and very profitable run on Broadway.
(“Spider-Man … On Broadway?!” The iPINIONS Journal, December 1, 2010)
This is why, despite the show’s absurd premise and production woes, I was not at all surprised to wake up yesterday to this boastful headline:
The Sweetest Thing! Bono and The Edge celebrate 1000th performance of their controversial musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark.
(Daily Mail, May 30, 2013)
So much for the critics, eh? In fact, according to FOX News, Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark is:
- the most popular show on Broadway;
- holds the record for the highest single-week attendance in Broadway history; and
- rakes in an average of over $1 million each week.
This final, bottom-line stat is very important because it means that this show has already recouped its unprecedented $65 million production costs. And no two people can be more pleased (and feel more vindicated) than Bono and The Edge of U2 – principal investors as well as infamous writers of the “dull score” the Post’s theater critic complained about.
Therefore, all I can do is reiterate the lamentation that truly animated my criticism:
Original plays on Broadway are already an endangered species. So just imagine what the success of this show will breed: a great white way populated with nothing but musical productions about comic-book heroes. That’s entertainment?!
(“Spider-Man … On Broadway?! The iPINIONS Journal, December 1, 2010)
So stay tuned for Iron-Man: De-nuking Iran…?
In the meantime, if you’re visiting New York City and would like to see a Broadway show, I urge you to consider a play like The Assembled Parties or, if you’re celebrity-obsessed, Vanya and Sonia and Marsha and Spike featuring Sigourney Weaver and David Hyde Pierce or Lucky Guy featuring Tom Hanks and Courtney B. Vance. And if you have kids tagging along who are nagging you to see Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark, tell them to go read the friggin’ comic books.
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