I am an avowed feminist. But close (female) friends will attest to my long-standing belief that the conscription of men into the process of childbirth is an unfortunate development of the feminist movement. Nothing betrays this misguided and unnatural foray quite like feminized men proclaiming with ambivalent pride, “we’re pregnant.”
More to the point, my innate sense has always led me to suspect that witnessing my wife give birth would turn me off from seeing her (in the same way) as my lover ever again. Yet this same sense has always led me to suspect that watching my wife cradle our newborn child would probably stir feelings of unparalleled love.
Clearly it’s an understatement to say that the psycho-sexual dynamics at play here are … complicated. But considering I have never been conscripted, I do not feel qualified to comment any further.
Instead, here in part is the cautionary testimonial of a man who was:
We hadn’t had sex for more than a year… And the reason? Witnessing Sonny’s birth had turned me off sex altogether…
Part of the problem, I believe, is to do with the changing expectations of fathers. Today’s dads see it as an intrinsic part of their role to accompany their partner through every step of childbirth. To suggest otherwise is seen as a dereliction of duty, an act of misogyny.
I was no different — insisting on witnessing my wife’s harrowing three-day labour and eventual emergency Caesarean.
But this approach has undeniable consequences, which I feel all parents ignore at their peril.
Witnessing the trauma of childbirth, coupled with the toll it takes on their partner’s body, can have a devastating impact on a man and his approach to sex.
(Daily Mail, October 31, 2012)
Mind you, I’m sure there are men who witness childbirth with gusto and are like dogs in heat for postpartum sex. But there can be no denying that men who witness childbirth are far more likely to stray than those who don’t.
For what it’s worth, my Daddy rushed my Mummy to the hospital and then dutifully waited outside as she gave birth to me. And I defy anyone to point to any deficiency in his relationship with her or me that can be attributed to him not witnessing it. He never strayed.
So women, give your man a pass when it comes to the delivery room. Your sex life, if not your marriage, could depend on it. There’s clearly something to be said for doing this the old-fashioned way.