Judge rules OK! for Birkhead to take his baby home…for good?!

For months now, cable TV, tabloid newspapers and Internet-gossip sites have manufactured drama and made cash by fueling idle speculation about who is Anna Nicole’s baby-Daddy and about who would win custody of this purported million-dollar baby. But from the outset, I assured readers of this weblog that, in due course, Larry Birkhead would not only be declared the biological father but also win custody; notwithstanding the maternally-overweening, financially-mercenary and legally-unsustainable claims of her Grandma Virgie Arthur.

And, when DNA results confirmed that Birkhead is indeed the Daddy, here, in part, is what I wrote in an article entitled Birkhead’s the Daddy! Duhhh…now what?!:

…[I]gnore the legal pundits who suggest that the judge will balance chauvinistic and parochial (i.e., cultural) prejudices that invariably favor granting guardianship to a grandmother instead of the biological father. Because that’s utter rubbish. More to the point, however, there is no evidence to suggest that Birkhead would be an unfit parent; whereas, there is relevant evidence, including Anna Nicole’s own damning (even if drug-induced) words and the documented troubles of her other children, to suggest that Mrs Arthur would not be a very fit parent at all….

[A]s soon as Birkhead obtains a passport for her from the local U.S. consulate, he and she will be free to leave The Bahamas for California, without any legal obligation to ever return.

This brings me to today’s penultimate proceedings which resulted – as I predicted – with the judge granting Birkhead permission to return home with his daughter firmly in hand. And once again, I urge you to ignore the legal pundits because the significance of today’s ruling is as intriguing as it is simple:

This Bahamian judge is acutely aware that once Birkhead returns to America with his daughter, there will be no legal way for him to compel them to return to the The Bahamas for further proceedings. Never mind that by any judicial criteria such an order would constitute an overzealous attempt to meddle in the affairs of this family that borders on fetishistic.

That said, Birkhead would be well-advised to have his local counsel prevail upon the judge to appreciate that – although he has no objection to returning – his parental good sense tells him that it is neither necessary nor in the best interest of his daughter to return to the The Bahamas to resolve any outstanding custody issues with her Grandma. And, moreover, that – to the extent such issues have to be litigated at all – a U.S. court would be a more appropriate forum given the citizenship and permanent residency of all of the parties now involved.

And, trust me, that would be that!

Now, since no court in America would even entertain Virgie’s patently-suspect claims, it behooves Birkhead to enter into no custodial or guardianship agreement, not even for visitation rights, with her. Because she has absolutely no legal standing to demand any rights or privileges with respect to raising Dannielynn or, God forbid, managing her financial affairs. Frankly, one could be forgiven the impression that this woman thinks she’s this child’s only grandparent. Never mind that she does not appear to have been quite so solicitous of being involved in the raising of her own children.

Indeed, it is ironic, if not instructive, that the only credible words Howard K. Stern has uttered during these proceedings was outside court last week when he said – with undisguised contempt – that (and I quote loosely):

Virgie is proving herself to be everything Anna Nicole said she was.

Alas, to that I must also add, it takes one to know one. Because here’s what I wrote in that same article about Stern, which holds even more true today – given the way he seems to have ingratiated himself into Birkhead’s good graces:

I admonish Birkhead to make no deals with Stern and keep him as far away as physically possible (and by a court-ordered TRO if necessary). Because his mercenary interest in Dannielynn is not only unseemly; it’s potentially dangerous (displaying as he has the homicidal pathology of women who cut the fetuses from the wombs of other women, and then fancy themselves birth mothers). Indeed, who, but a psychopath, would hold a little child hostage in the open and notorious way that he has, and then have the balls to show up at a paternity hearing – with as much public interest as this one has generated – knowing full well that there’s no way he could be the Daddy?!

And, incidentally, the notion that Birkhead should retain Stern to continue the Faustian quest for a piece of the Marshall estate is absurd. After all, Stern’s handling of Anna Nicole’s legal affairs makes it plain that he’s almost criminally incompetent. Indeed, chances are good that the next time he steps into a U.S. courtroom, it will be to face disbarment proceedings. Meanwhile, I assure you that there are many more reputable lawyers who would be all too eager to pursue this matter on Birkhead and Dannielynn’s behalf.

Accordingly, it seems fitting to close with this reminder from that same prescient article:

Legal cases in The Bahamas proceed with proper judicial speed, not according to the whimsical dictates of American TV producers. But as I said sometime ago, this should all be over by the end of April….

And with that, I rest my commentaries on the legal mess Anna Nicole left behind in my beloved country, The Bahamas.

Related Article:
Birkhead’s the Daddy…now what?

*Article published originally yesterday 4:16 PM

Larry Birkhead and Dannielynn