Fassbender’s concession becomes a suggestion

Michael Fassbender appeared on Happy Sad Confused recently. And he made a shocking revelation worthy of that podcast’s quirky name. Fassbender said that, during his audition to play James Bond, he suggested Daniel Craig would be better.

You might wonder about the self-esteem or state of mind of an actor who’d do that. But this reeks of a humblebrag. After all, this X-Men actor exudes as much self-confidence off-screen as he does onscreen. Exhibit A is his Full-Monty scene in the oxymoronically titled Shame. But consider also the preternatural self-assurance it took to woo and wed Alicia Vikander.

The real shame is that Fassbender is unwittingly exposing a fusion of jealousy, resentment, and regret over losing out to Craig. Not least because Craig didn’t just prove his talent-spotting instincts right — he became the most successful Bond of them all.

Waiting for the next Bond

Craig played his last Bond in No Time to Die in 2021. And, ironically, the franchise has been stuck in yet another audition phase — just like the one Fassbender referenced — ever since. I couldn’t have cared less when they were auditioning in the early 2000s, and I care even less now about who plays Bond. Except that I’d be remiss not to cite my well-documented opposition to a Black Bond or Female Bond.

Of course, the franchise made news last week when new owner Jeff Bezos fired Barbara Broccoli. That made her the last of the Broccoli producers who had been the “heart and soul” of this franchise for decades.

But that also exposed his intent to turn the Bond franchise into a tool for MAGA propaganda — just like he’s done with The Washington Post. And he’s become so vain, don’t be surprised if Bezos pressures his henpecked producer to make the next Bond villain a bald billionaire, juiced up on steroids, stroking a rocket instead of a cat.