Iran releases British hostages…as an Easter gift?

After Iranian forces captured 15 British marines on 23 March, here, in part, is how I analyzed the situation:

I admonish you to ignore all of the bellicose rhetoric being exchanged between the UK and Iran….Because the only thing that matters now is what leverage each side has in behind-the-scenes bartering for the release of its respective captives, which I suspect is already underway. But be mindful that this could take weeks or months depending on how much Iran wants to make the British sweat.

In due course, pursuant to customary practice for settling disputes in the Middle East, the Iranians will release their British captives in exchange for the Iranians being held in Iraq. In the meantime, I hope the captured Brits can make themselves comfortable….

Therefore, it came as little surprise that – after milking all the humiliation they could get out of the British by, inter alia, lecturing them on naval-navigation and the impropriety of sending a woman to do a man’s job – the Iranians were jubilant as they announced today’s release of their hostages. But nothing confirmed Britain’s humiliation (and crowned Iran’s jubilation) quite like juxtaposition of the spectacle that occasioned the Iranians’ announcement with the commensurately-humble statement British PM Tony Blair was obliged to make:

To the Iranian people I would simply say this: we bear you no ill will…On the contrary, we respect Iran as an ancient civilisation, as a nation with a proud and dignified history. The disagreements that we have with your government, we wish to resolve peacefully, through dialogue. I hope, as I have always hoped, that in the future we are about to do so.

Disagreements!? The taking of these hostages was arguably an act of war!

But fair enough Mr Blair. Nevertheless, you could have lamented how unfortunate it is that the civilized people of Iran are being led down a primrose path by an anthropoidal, genocidal jihadist who will never enjoy comity amongst the world’s more respectable heads of state. Then, moreover, you could have admonished the civilized people of Iran that if they don’t prevail upon him to release your soldiers, serious consequences would follow in due course, including, but not limited to, a royal naval blockade of all oil imports into Iran….

Meanwhile, clearly to add more insult to the incalculable injury they had already inflicted upon the British, the Iranians actually strutted the fact that the capture of these marines was an act sanctioned by the state; i.e., not the misadventure of zealous, seafaring revolutionary guards as British officials rationalized – no doubt in a vain attempt to lessen the impact of their humiliation..

Accordingly, their president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, stood center stage today and awarded national medals of honor to the soldiers who seized this blessed opportunity for him to stick it to the British. But the Iranians left no doubt that this farewell to their hostages was orchestrated to revel in the asymmetrical power they now wield on the world stage, and to gloat at their apparent ability to exercise it with impunity.

Of course, it had to be particularly galling for the British to see Ahmadinejad standing with a Cheshire-Cat grin on his face and raising his hand so that each of their brave soldiers could kiss his brass ring as a thank you before walking the plank to freedom.

But this diabolical little man – who suffers delusions of nuclear grandeur and seems afflicted by an acute case of Tourette’s Syndrome, which presents as spasmodic utterances of genocidal ideations – may have overplayed his hand. After all, given that his psychopathology derives from his Muslim fanaticism, it’s clear that he intended to mock all Christians by invoking the day we thank God that Jesus died so that we may live. Why else would he proclaim their release as an Easter gift from him to the British people…?

But the British are evidently too cowered to avenge their national pride and defend western civilization against such wanton mockery. (Indeed, have you ever seen such willing and compliant hostages? And these were British marines for Christ’s sake!) Therefore, let us fill the breach by condemning Ahmadinejad while appealing to Iranian moderates to quell his fanatical provocations. Because, one way or another, someone has to wipe that grin off his face before he fulfills his pledge to wipe Israel off the map, and precipitate the all-out clash of civilizations he so devoutly covets.

* Article published originally yesterday: Wednesday at 4:04 pm

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