How Stella Got Her Groove Back? Apparently, by Faking it with a Gay Boy Toy…

American media has a habit of crediting white people for social and cultural trends that had long become commonplace in the black community. For example, when Bo Derek donned her cornrows for the movie “10”, one might have thought that was the first time any woman had worn her hair in that style; when, in fact, black women had been sporting cornrows since the beginning of time.

And so, just as it did with cornrows, the media has credited white Demi Moore with popularizing the boy toy trend because of the robbing-the-cradle affair she began with Ashton Kutcher 2 years ago. Never mind that Tina Turner and Dianna Ross pioneered this trend decades ago. (And, for the record, that even amongst white women, Cher is more deserving of this dubious honour for snagging her a bagel-making boy toy in the early 1980s). But it was black bestselling author Terry McMillan who really popularized this trend when she had middle-aged women’s libidos pulsating and their hearts fluttering with the 1996 publication of “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”: An essentially autobiographical novel about how she found sexual fulfillment and emotional bliss with a barely legal boy she picked-up on a spiritual retreat to Jamaica.

Unfortunately, it turns out that that was Lucifer and not the Lord who appeared through the rays of Caribbean sun and answered McMillan’s prayers by telling her “don’t worry, be happy sista, cause them island boys – with the bodies that would shame Adonis – are all yours for the pickin”. Alas, the boy she chose (20-year-old Jonathan Plummer) was not only a would-be boy toy but also the devil’s little helper who was planted along McMillan’s spiritual path just to test the extent of her carnal vanity. She failed abysmally. Because, as it turned out, McMillan was desperately seeking sexual, more than spiritual, healing. And that’s why she not only plucked that sucker but actually took him home…and married him!

But it seems her novel was just a fairytale version of her boy toy love affair because it was revealed this week that McMillan has filed for divorce from her Jamaican groove thing. And, the reason she cites is not the usual irreconcilable differences between disaffected lovers; instead, it’s that (shock, shock) her boy toy never loved her at all…because He’s GAY!

Terry McMillan greeting her fans with a smile but thinking: Girlfriend, if you only knew….I know what I wrote but my man’s a fag with a noodle for a dick…hell, we can’t even cuddle and talk because I still don’t understand his Jamaican patois gibberish!

After her marriage was exposed as a fraud, the media savvy McMillan issued the following as an epilogue (caveat emptor) to her bestselling novel – about her spiritual journey:

“It was devastating to discover that a relationship I had publicized to the world as life-affirming and built on mutual love was actually based on deceit….I was humiliated.” (Poor Terry….Not!)

This might be an overly cynical observation, but if there is any truth to anything McMillan wrote in her trendsetting novel, then her claims of deceit and fraudulent pretense by Plummer (all for a Green Card) are fatuous. After all, by her own admission, the boy performed his part – and not only in bed, if she’s to be believed, but also as the inspirational mascot for her multimillion How Stella…production.

On the other hand, if the groove she got was more literary than literal (and it turns out she faked her physical ecstasy and emotional bliss all the way to the bank), then not only should SHE be dismissed as a psycho-sexual fraud but she should also be required to return the ill-gotten gains she banked by exploiting the sexual and emotional longings of so many middle-aged women.

Incidentally, stories abound about macho black men fronting with women whilst going through the back door for some low down “down low” action with other men. But even if McMillan was so deceived, surely a typical celebrity divorce citing innocuous irreconcilable differences would have sufficed. But it’s a testament not to her broken heart but to her punctured ego that she felt compelled to “out” her man in typical woman scorned fashion. Then again, perhaps her reaction to being dumped by her boy toy (for a man no less) is, perversely, a case of life imitating art with McMillan acting out the role she crafted for Bernadine in Waiting to Exhale. But please Terry, No More Drama!

Bliss before the Scorn: Recent portrait of McMillan and her boy toy Plummer (all grown up and, ironically, looking ideally suited for her). But, a gay male gold digger? Now, ain’t that (he) a bitch!

Reality Check: Ladies, if you’re closer to menopause than you are removed from your teenage years, chances are a meaningful relationship with a boy less than half your age means that he wants to get into your piggy bank and not your pants.

Men as old fools, though pathetic, seem natural. Women as old fools, though entitled, seem unnatural…and just plain sad.

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