I have to begin with a disclaimer: I did not read this book. I just listened in utter stupefaction a few days ago to a female friend who did as she shared why Fifty Shades of Grey, by author E. L. James, is all the rage.
No doubt my friend would declare herself an unabashed feminist. And she has never struck me as the submissive type when it comes to sex.
This is why I was so taken aback when she expressed how captivated and stimulated she became as she read about the sadomasochistic relationship that plays out in graphic fashion between the main characters in this novel: the virginal, eager to please Anastasia Steele and her emotionally scarred and domineering Sugar Daddy, Christian Grey.
Taken aback because women always (mis)led me to believe that they are more high-brow when it comes to erotic literature. But the stuff in this book makes Penthouse Forum seem G-Rated; yet women of every stripe – from Type-A professionals to soccer moms – are eating it up like teenage boys discovering Internet porn.
What’s more, I was troubled by the almost self-righteous way my friend rationalized the emotional and physical abuse Christian repeatedly inflicts upon Anastasia by saying it was all consensual (i.e., that that’s what she wanted). Really? I’m all for a little rough sex, but jeez….
Indeed, I wonder if Pretty Woman would have been the blockbuster it was if the relationship that played out on screen between the rich man played by Richard Gere and the prostitute played by Julia Roberts were more Marquis de Sade than Cinderella? Although, based on the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, I suppose it would have – especially given that Gere as Sugar Daddy duly made amends by lavishing Julia as prostitute with cash and expensive gifts too.
On the other hand, it is instructive that my female friend begrudgingly conceded that she would not have been nearly as enthralled by James’s master-slave, kinky-sex storyline if Christian were just a plumber – even if he looked, atypically, like a stud. If they were being honest I think most women would concede this point.
Still, here is where it got really interesting:
Given the way she so blithely related to the submissive, if not degrading, way Anastasia behaves, I asked my friend to explain why she not only condemned Chris Brown for beating up Rihanna but, more to the point, then condemned Rihanna for going back to him … for more.
I also asked if she’s not at all concerned that the popularity of this novel might undermine the signature feminist argument that men who get off on the psycho-sexual abuse so often depicted in porn are being conditioned to act out that abuse in their personal relationships. For surely it must follow that women (especially impressionable teenage girls) who get off on the psycho-sexual abuse depicted in this book are being conditioned to accept this abuse in their personal relationships.
Trust me, she’s a brilliant woman. But I am still waiting for a comprehensible, credible reply….
Meanwhile, Chris can be forgiven for thinking now that he actually treated Rihanna the way all women fantasize about being treated. After all, what man would not want to do all he can to fulfill his woman’s sexual fantasies…? And bear in mind that, like Christian, Chris too was a victim of abuse…. (I hope that’s not giving away too much.)
At any rate, I suppose the joke is on men like me who thought that, nowadays, no self-respecting woman would even condone a relationship in which the woman’s only interest is in doing whatever pleases her man. Which makes all of the women swooning over the relationship in this novel seem like latter-day Stepford Wives: feminism coming full circle…?
Mind you, I’m all for women harboring secret fantasies about anything, literally. And I see nothing wrong with whatever kinky, even abusive, sex consenting adults get into behind closed doors.
I just fear the very public swooning women are engaging in over this book is misleading women and men into a very grey area. But the romantic sadist in me can’t resist encouraging men to seize this opportunity to have fun finding out just which shade of grey gets their women off: some baby oil and silver balls might help….