Congratulations, Madam President! (If Hillary Had Won…) -The iPINIONS Journal

Many of my progressive friends are having a hard time coming to terms with Donald Trump as president-elect of the United States. Some are even joining self-flagellating, flash-mob protests, which are springing all over the country, to vent their raging disbelief.

I tried reasoning with them to no avail. Ironically, some of them are convinced the election was rigged, which of course is what Trump would’ve claimed if Hillary had won.

Therefore, I’ve decided to inject this commentary into the alternative reality this vanquished alt-left seems determined to occupy. And, like injecting the flu virus to inoculate against the flu, I hope injecting this dose of delusion will inoculate them against the type of delusion that defines the ascendant alt-right.

Accordingly, based on the counterfactual assumption that Hillary won Tuesday’s election, here is my commentary hailing her historic achievement.

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First, a few points for the record:

I was a Bernie Sanders supporter. But, like him, I threw my support behind Hillary after she won the Democratic nomination – as “Hillary Takes Historic Step Towards Shattering Highest Glass Ceiling,” July 30, 2016, attests.
I predicted her landslide victory months ago in “Ignore the Polls. Hillary Will Win in Wave Election,” September 9, 2016. I was wrong. Not least because it turns out the sleeping giant in American politics was not aggrieved anti-Trump Hispanics but angry pro-Trump whites. The latter helped Republicans retain control of Congress and nearly helped Trump defeat Hillary, which would have been the biggest presidential upset since Truman defeated Dewey.
Despite Hillary’s shockingly small margin of victory, she only has to cite the presidency of George W. Bush for the proposition that a win’s a win.
It was trendy among the commentariat and common folk alike to bemoan this presidential election as a choice between “the lesser of two evils.” But I never followed that trend. For I always saw it as a choice between a Democratic nominee who championed Obamacare (aka universal healthcare), progressive taxation, debt-free education, immigration reform (aka multiculturalism), gun control, equal pay and abortion rights for women, traditional political and military alliances (aka multilateralism), while holding sensible positions on virtually every other issue of national importance; and a Republican nominee who championed the repeal of Obamacare, regressive taxation, school choice only for those who can afford it, immigration bans (aka white nationalism), no restrictions on gun ownership, no equal pay and no abortion rights for women, transactional political and military alliances (aka Trumpism), while holding incomprehensible positions on virtually every other issue. Therefore, Hillary was the only choice, especially when one factored in personal character and public temperament.
With all due respect to Russian President Vladimir Putin and Wikileaker Julian Assange, exposing the way the DNC schemed to help Hillary win the nomination is rather like exposing the way Oscar Mayer churns “trimmings” to make hot dogs. This is why, instead of foiling Hillary’s presidential ambition, Putin and Assange merely outed themselves as peddlers of meaningless political gossip with their e-mail hacks and leaks, respectively.
Nobel laureate Paul Krugman is already leading a chorus of eminent scholars in hailing Barack Obama as one of America’s greatest presidents. I’m betting Hillary will win similar acclaim … surpassing that of her husband, Bill.

That said, I repeat, Hillary was not my first choice. But here is why her election is a consummation eminently worthy of praise:

After yesterday’s national elections, Michelle Bachelet [of Chile] is poised to become the first female head of state in South America. And, in light of the recent trend set by Angela Merkel of Germany and Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf of Liberia, Bachelet’s election will hearten those of us who welcome the seepage of ‘woman power’ through the crevices of governance (in politics and business) around the world.

Alas, male chauvinism still predominates throughout the Americas, and nowhere more so than in the United States…

Nevertheless, here’s to ‘the fairer sex’ – not only as indispensable guardians of home and hearth, but also as invaluable (and capable) stewards of the ship of state!

(“Cracking the Political Glass Ceiling: First Woman to Become President in South America,” The iPINIONS Journal, December 12, 2005)

And let’s face it, despite his sexist, misogynistic and chauvinistic bent, even Trump probably appreciates that a woman is better (pant)suited to heal the political wounds his scorched-earth campaign inflicted. But, in homage to Mr. Trump, a complete ban on all pundits and pollsters from TV would help this healing process considerably.

In any event, there’s no denying the historic blow her election strikes against the white-male patriarchy that has ruled the world since the beginning of time. No doubt a blow made all the more impactful by having this first woman succeed the first black as president of the United States.

Incidentally, I fully expect the triumvirate of Hillary Clinton of the United States, Theresa May of the United Kingdom, and Angela Merkel of Germany to prove every bit as invincible against Vladimir Putin as Franklin D. Roosevelt, Winston Churchill and … Joseph Stalin proved against Adolf Hitler.

Hail, woman power!

Finally, I would be remiss not to mention Donald J. Trump, now the biggest loser in the history of American politics. But I shall suffice only to reprise the following from “‘I Can’t Hear, or See, or Say that Name [TRUMP] Without Spitting,’” March 14, 2016.

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All Americans should appreciate the categorical imperative of treating anything branded ‘TRUMP’ — from hotels to neckties and vodka — as if it were branded ‘KKK.’ It only hints at his cynicism and hucksterism that he makes such a public show of touting his Made in China products to “Make America Great Again.”

But the legacy of his publicity stunt masquerading as a presidential campaign should be a Trump brand so tarnished that the only people willing to patronize his businesses are the fools who voted for him.

Given that the vast majority of them are poor and uneducated, by his own estimation, it would only be a matter of time before he’s forced into the mother of all his bankruptcies (i.e., for failing to make payments on the debt he brags about using to finance his businesses). And trust me, this Croesus-envying narcissist would rather go bankrupt than depend on the rabble-rousing suckers who attend his rallies to keep his real-estate empire afloat. Which is just as well given that most of them can barely afford a night at a budget hotel.

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Meanwhile, all Trump has to show for his presidential campaign is the unprecedented coarsening, polarizing, dumbing down, and discrediting of American politics. This is why the shunning and shaming I called for would be his just deserts.

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There, I hope that counterfactual/post-truth commentary helps Hillary’s die-hard supporters come to terms with her historic loss.

But there’s no overstating the truly astonishing irony that America failed to elect its first female president because it chose to elect a sexist, misogynist, male chauvinist pig instead. Notwithstanding alt-left delusions, however, the sooner we accept this result the better we’ll be able to handle – and overcome – it.

So let the inoculation begin for my fellow progressives who risk descending into full-blown delusion. Mind you, Trump himself might prove the best medicine in this respect. After all, as I mentioned in my actual post-election commentary, “WTF! President-elect Donald J. Trump?! America. What. Have. You. Done.” November 9, 2016, his congenital hucksterism is such that he will probably disappoint his rabid supporters as much as he enrages his detractors.

For example, he’s forming a Cabinet to “drain the swamp” in Washington that is composed of the very establishment elites who are not only creatures but creators of that swamp. Even more telling, though, is that Trump vowed throughout his campaign to repeal Obamacare as an article of faith. Yet, in his first interview as president-elect, he told the Wall Street Journal that he might “keep the good parts” of Obama’s signature legislative achievement.

So let the disappointment begin for the one-born-every-minute suckers who voted for him. They can’t say nobody warned them. For I did years ago (in “Trump for President? Don’t Be a Sucker,” April 8, 2011) that he would be more P.T. Barnum than president — even as president.

* This commentary was originally published yesterday, Friday, at 6:52 p.m.