Bonds: Hey, if I were on steroids, do you think I’d need these damn crutches to walk – duh!
It seems Barry Bonds would rather run away from baseball than stand up at the plate and risk being exposed as the most infamous cheater in the history professional sports.
Yesterday, the man who would be (home run) king of baseball, abdicated as the heir apparent in a whining, sniveling and self-pitying press performance that only confirmed the emotional side effects of his steroid abuse.
No one who follows baseball believes that Bonds, McGwire or even Sosa never took steroids. Therefore, it’s become a pathetic tragicomedy to see these sports heroes humiliate themselves with their puerile attempts to convince us otherwise.
But the Bonds saga is so delightfully sordid that it rivals the best TV soap opera for pure entertainment value:
There’s the criminal element that has Bonds anxiously awaiting the findings of a federal probe into his relationship with a steroids factory in San Francisco called BALCO.
In addition, the IRS has him nervous about its investigation into the wads of cash his mistress claims he offered recently to buy her silence – not about cheating on his wife mind you; no, he was only concerned that his mistress might disclose what she knew about his use of steroids.
The scorned mistress: Oh no lover, baby don’t play that!
Indeed, there’s the personal element that has a woman scorned, one Kimberly Bell, claiming that she was his mistress for over 10 years. (And, what a piece of…work she is.) Ms Bell seems not only proud of her adulterous affair but she is also indignant that Bonds had the balls to think he could put her out to pasture with a few niggardly mortgage payments. Now she’s hell bent on revenge with a tell all book in the works and the pawning of tapes she recorded of Bonds having serial roid rages that make potty-mouth Ludicris seem like a gentleman. What a girl…
And then, of course, there’s this professional element that has Bonds suffering a physical and nervous breakdown right before our eyes. He blames the media for his cheating (both types, presumably) and the shattered knee that he says may prevent him from ever playing another baseball game. “You guys have always been out to get me [sniff, sniff, sob, sob] You wanted me to jump from a bridge. Well now I’ve jumped. Satisfied? Now you got me. You got me and my family [boooohoohoohoo].”
MAD TV could never create stuff so bad, so good!
But how sad: If only Bonds were man enough to admit the obvious, his legion of fans would have stayed loyal to him….(See in Archives Baseball is Juiced. So what! for more on this topic)
Alas, good riddance Barry. Now go join Mark McGwire to detoxify your body of steroids and try to reclaim what’s left of your shriveled manhood!
News and Politics
Noel Sesenton says
All of them are a disgrace to our sacred game. They should be banned and not allowed into the hall of fame.
I’ve always said that McGuire was juiced, His breaking of Roger Maris’s record is a farce when you consider that the strongest medication Maris took, in ’61, was asprin. His records should be disavowed and so should Bonds once the truth is brought to the light of day.
The most sacred thing in the game of baseball is the records. Once you screw with that the game is shit.