More Mothers Should Be Tiger Mothers

Nothing reflects the schizophrenic and indulgent nature of parenting in America today quite like non-Asian mothers wanting their kids to be just as educated and talented as Asian kids, while venting self-righteous indignation at the way Asian mothers raise their enviable kids.

Well, a Chinese mother has finally addressed this parenting pathology among non-Asian mothers in her very provocative but instructive book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. The author is Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School. And she makes a compelling case for what it takes to raise “super-human” kids.

Her simple thesis is that non-Asian mothers coddle their kids too much and indulge too many of their idle wishes – acting in many respects like doting grandparents instead of responsible parents. By contrast, Asian mothers enforce a strict code of conduct that focuses their kids on academic and extracurricular activities (like playing the violin) – acting in many respects like a Marine drill sergeant preparing soldiers for war.

Not surprisingly, even stereotypically, Chua’s two daughters are straight-A students and musical virtuosos on the piano and violin.

Also, not surprisingly, non-Asian mothers are heaping all kinds of invectives at Chua for the manner in which she raised her children, depriving them – as she did – of such rites of passage as sleepovers, watching too much TV, and playing too many video games.

Other examples of the Tiger Mother abuse she supposedly heaped on her children include forcing one of her daughters to do 2,000 math problems a night after a Korean (i.e., another Asian) kid beat her in a math competition; threatening to burn the stuffed animals of another unless she played a piece of music correctly; and tearing up birthday cards both daughters gave her because they clearly did not put enough thought into selecting them.

To be fair, Chua makes clear that she laced her heavy doses of discipline with appropriate expressions of love and motherly devotion. Not that you’d know this given the way the media are portraying her; i.e., making her look like a Mommie Dearest on steroids.

There’s no gainsaying her results, however. And if you ever wonder why kids from the Caribbean are invariably more educated and well-mannered than non-Asian American kids, it’s because we too were raised by Tiger Mothers like Chua; and I’ll bet none of us would have it any other way.

So instead of berating and envying her in equal measure, non-Asian-American mothers would do well to adopt some of the parenting methods she delineates in her book.  And Americans wonder why the Chinese are eating their lunch….

Incidentally, it would seem Asian fathers are no more involved in the raising of their highly disciplined and overachieving kids than non-Asian fathers are in the raising of their highly entitled and underachieving kids.