Truth be told, my title does not do justice to the spectacle that played out at Madison Square Garden on Saturday night.
Anthony Joshua, a chiseled, towering, undefeated British world heavyweight champion … came to Madison Square Garden on Saturday night to make his United States debut. …
[I]t seemed almost secondary that the man Joshua was facing for his first fight on United States soil was Andy Ruiz Jr., a doughy Mexican-American fighter with a penchant for eating Snickers before his fights.
Then Joshua hit the canvas. Again. Again. And again.
(The New York Times, June 2, 2019)
In fact, Ruiz had him so punch drunk that, before entering the 7th round to get knocked out, Joshua was heard asking his trainer:
Why am I feeling like this though?
(The Guardian, June 2, 2019)
Many commentators are comparing this upset to Buster Douglas beating up Mike Tyson in 1990. But both of them should take offense at this comparison, Douglas because he was a far worthier opponent and Tyson because he seemed a far more invincible champion.
Frankly, no other fight compares to Ruiz and Joshua’s cartoonish farce, hence the analogy to cartoon characters in my title. Not to mention that Joshua unwittingly compounded this farce.
Specifically, he littered his social-media pages with images of him doing all kinds of herculean exercises to maintain his chiseled bod. Now images of Ruiz eating Snickers bars to maintain his doughy bod are breaking the Internet. What could be more farcical than that?
Boxing analysts would have you believe it was unthinkable that Ruiz could defeat, let alone knock out, Joshua. But I wish the exchange I had with a friend at the gym on Saturday was in writing. Because he asked if I was looking forward to this fight.
No doubt, because I “sound British,” he expected me to rave with anticipation at watching Joshua beat up Ruiz. Instead, I shared that I couldn’t be less interested – not because Ruiz looked like such an unworthy opponent, but because Joshua looked like just another Frank Bruno, a fellow Brit who enjoyed short reigns as heavyweight champion in the 1980s and 1990s.
I explained that, like Joshua, Bruno was chiseled like Black Panther. And that, like Joshua, he had an undefeated record. Then, like Ruiz showed by knocking out Joshua, James “Bonecrusher” Smith showed that, his record notwithstanding, Bruno had a glass jaw and, even worse, the mental toughness of a shrinking violet.
You might wonder why I’m harkening all the way back to Bruno’s heyday. It’s because that’s when I began losing interest in professional boxing.
My myriad reasons are not worth mentioning. But the following should explain why I enjoy reading about boxing more than watching it these days; it’s from “Mayweather vs. Ortiz,” September 18, 2011:
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After Mike Tyson bit off one of Evander Holyfield’s ears, I did not think boxing could descend into any more of a farce. Yet this erstwhile sport has never ceased to amaze me in this respect ever since.
Evidently, last night’s bout between Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz was no exception. For reports are that the hype going in was duly matched by the farce that played out. It began when Ortiz stunned Mayweather with a cheap head butt. Mayweather responded in kind by knocking Ortiz out with an even cheaper right-left combo, which he threw while the referee was still trying to separate them. That was it: show over … in round 4.
Frankly, I can’t remember the last time a major fight generated buzz more for great boxing than for brawling and trash talking. Boxing was once celebrated as a sweet science. But nowadays it seems like little more than an offshoot of the spectacle professional wrestling has become. Which makes me wonder why people continue to pay $60 for pay-per-view and hundreds for arena seating just to have two clowns leave them with a bitter taste in their mouths.
Meanwhile the boxers are laughing all the way to the bank.
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Enjoy the Ruiz vs. Joshua rematch … suckers.
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