Here, in part, is how I expressed unbridled schadenfreude two years ago when 84-year-old Playboy founder Hugh Hefner’s 24-year-old fiancée Crystal Harris left him standing at the altar:
Nothing indicates how patently venal his fiancée’s motives were quite like reports that she called off the wedding because Hef refused to guarantee her a weekly allowance that would enable her to indulge in the Hollywood lifestyle she clearly coveted. This, notwithstanding the crocodile tears she’s shedding now about suddenly developing a crisis of moral conscience over Hef’s desire to continue having his Viagra-fuelled ‘bunga bunga’ parties with other playmates. Duh…
I believe the money was the deal breaker because even a teenager does not want to depend on a parent (though grandparent seems more apt) for money every time she goes out. Even worse is the prospect of having that grandparent tagging along (as Hef always did) to cramp her style. Old fool, he really thought she was marrying him for love.
In the end, though, there’s no escaping the irony or comeuppance that Hef – who was once so envied as a ladies’ man – has been dumped … just like an ordinary chump. And it serves him right.
(“Playboy Hef Dumped like an Ordinary Chump,” The iPINIONS Journal, June 17, 2011)
Given this, what do you think could possibly have changed to cause this plainly unholy union to end up in matrimony on New Year’s Eve?
I submit that, on the one hand, it was Crystal’s realization that, despite Hef’s paternal-prenuptial conditions, no other rich fool was prepared to cater to her material needs to the extent he was; while on the other hand, it was Hef’s need to vindicate his ego by capturing the one bunny who ran away in such a publicly humiliating fashion.
Indeed, to show how egocentric and deluded he is, Hef is insisting now that their mutual love never died and that his young bride need not fear him dying on her because his mother lived to be 101.
I have no doubt, however, that as she sat beside him feigning connubial bliss, Crystal was trying desperately to calculate just how many years she might have to endure this indentured servitude before she can inherit a sizable portion of his estate….
Hef may think this marriage revives his flaccid reputation as an enviable playboy. But it merely ridicules him as just another rich, old fool willing to be cuckolded as he limps into his dotage in the clutches of a notorious gold digger.
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